Madness

Ever wished you could start again and pick your words more carefully.

The other day i made a phone call to a 'bed and breakfast' to make a  booking for a short break we will be having.  I had the pictures of the bedrooms up on pooter screen.  The lady answered - why do they always have a posh voice - and said that all the rooms were free, which one would i like.  That was when the mouth started working without the brain.

Would i like the twin room?  Well says i, the beds look too far away to be able to poke my husband if he snores.  A short silence, and then, no.... you wouldn't be able to poke him but you could always push the beds together.  I said no that would be alright.  The other room, i said, is the bed on wheels, (it was a double bed with head and base board and room for someone to hide under).  No she said, but there is something to pull out from underneath (single bed perhaps).  Oh, says i, only i thought if it had wheels on (could not for the life of me remember the word casters) and i jumped on it it might shoot across the room with me.  Again a silence.  No, no wheels, my bed has wheels but i have a box at the bottom of the bed to stop it moving.  She said.

All this time i am screaming to myself, shut up you idiot what's the matter with you and trying not to dissolve into hysterical giggles.  She then went on to say, it does have a base board so if you are tall it might be a problem.

So what was my reply,  Neither myself or my husband suffer from height.

By then i was just groaning inwardly to myself and could not get off the phone quick enough.

I have booked the double bed for the vertically challenged with the assurance it will not scoot across the room when jumped upon for it has no wheels.

I now just have to face the women when we go.  Do i pretend that it was my normal way of behaving, or make a joke and apologise that i was having a mad moment??

 

Tags: Words, B&B, Beds, Apologise

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Grandson's antics

My youngest g'son went to the loo at school, while in there he noticed spots on his tummy and thinking he had a rash in his panic ran to the teacher to tell her.  The class erupted in laughter, in his haste he still had his trousers and pants around his ankles.  The teacher screamed at him to get back in there and pull them up.  He went back, wiped his rear and pulled up his clothes and then went to the teacher to show her his suspected rash.  He is 7 yrs.

The other week, again my g'son, his teacher called for mum and told her his wind was disrupting the class, could she please stop giving him beans every day. Thats what g'son had told her.  My daughter assured the teacher he did not have beans every day, but that he had had a bit of a funny tummy that week, something we could all attest to as we had all had occassion to shout at him to get out as we opened windows and made lavish use of the air spray.

My daughter said, 'oh the embarressment, how many other mums get called in to school to be told off about their child's wind'.

The Knocker Upper

Before the time of alarms to get you up for work, in the mining or mill towns and villages people were employed to go round houses to knock on your door and get you out of bed ready for work.  The knocker uppers.   This is a story of a knocker upper and a theft.  Who did it?

Nicholas Knox, of Nottingham

 

Nicholas Knox – commonly known as Nick Knox – was employed at the shop of a knick-knack dealer in Nottingham named Nathan Knight, who was known amongst his friends as Nat Knight.  Now as Nick Knox had to be up early at Nat Knight’s he engaged a knocker-up named Nicodemus Noakes, to knock him up.  Nicodemus Noakes, familiarly known as Nicky Noakes, knowing that knocking up required a knack, engaged another knocker-up who happened to be knock-kneed, to knock him up, so that being knocked up, he could knock up Nick Knox.

Well, it happened that one morning the knock-kneed knocker-up, not knowing the time did not knock up Nicky Noakes, and Nicky Noakes, not being knocked up by the knock-kneed knocker-up, failed to knock up Nick Knox, so that Nick Knox, not being knocked up, was not at Nat Knight’s in time; thereupon Nat Knight knocked off some of the wages of Nick Knox, and Nick Knox next got even by nicking some of the knick-knacks belonging to Nat Knight.  In addition to this, Nick Knox nagged Nicky Noakes for not knocking him up, and Nicky Noakes retaliated by knocking the knock-kneed knocker-up down, and the knocker-up who was knock kneed, being knocked down, felt knocked up.

Some people said that no knick-knacks had been nicked from Nat Knight’s; others could not say whether Nick Knox had nicked knick-knacks from Nat Knight, or Nicky Noakes had nicked the knick-knacks from Nick Knox, or whether the knock kneed knocker-up had knocked at the knocker of Nat Knight’s and next nicked his knick-knacks.  But it was proved that knick-knacks had been nicked from Nat Knight, either by Nick Knox or by the knock-kneed knocker-up who never knocked up Nicky Noakes, the Nottingham knocker-up.  The matter was taken before a magistrate.

Of course Nick Knox said that not having the knack, he had not nicked Nat Knight’s knick-knacks, and Nicky Noakes said that he had nicked nix from Nick Knox, and the Nottingham knock-kneed knocker-up next said that he had not nicked never no knick- knacks neither from Nat Knight, Nick Knox, nor Nicky Noakes; so the puzzle was to find out how Nat Knight’s knick-knacks had been nicked.

The magistrate said it was not for the jury to decide whether Nick Knox was as much to blame as Nicky Noakes, or whether Nicky Noakes was as bad as the knock-kneed knocker-up; the question was – had Noakes nicked?  Or had Nick Knox nicked?  Or were the knick-knacks nicked by the knock-kneed knocker-up?  He would state the case clearly and lucidly – it was simply that the knock-kneed knocker-up had not knocked up Nicky Noakes, and the said Nicky Noakes, not being knocked up by the knock-kneed knocker-up, had failed to knock up Nick Knox, so that Nick Knox did not knock at the knocker of Nat Knight, the Nottingham knick knack dealer, in time; and next it was found that knick-knacks had been nicked from Nat Knight either by Nick Knox, Nicky Noakes or the knock-kneed knocker-up who had not knocked Nicky Noakes up.

The jury, finding the matter so simple, came at once to an arrangement which suited all parties, and so now the knock-kneed knocker-up has acquired the knack of knocking up Nicky Noakes, who in his turn knocks up Nick Knox, and Nick Knox next knocks at the knocker of Nat Knight, the Nottingham knick-knack dealer, in good time every morning.

 

 

Mission

Well our two week mission is now finished although it turned out to be more a week and a half.  We finished on Saturday with a line dance :-)  The caller was very good and funny but did i ache the next day.  I am not built for or fit enough for movement of that kind.  Once again a short telling of the Gospel and a testimony was given during the break.  All my fears of no one turning up never materialised and there was a lot of fun and laughter, in fact i had to call last dance as some people wanted to go on and on.  The caller had said to to give him what we wanted as far as money was concerned but it was only on the night i found out he gave it all to charity and kept none for himself.  He also does quiz nights so i will remember that for the future.

All in all i think it was worth doing, perhaps not the most professional of missions but we did what we set out to do and that was tell people about Jesus while having a bit of fun.

On a different note, i want to know where this year has gone,  who took it?  We are nearly at the middle of the year and it has gone too fast.  I am looking for somewhere to go away for a few days soon and this is only the spring holiday i am getting around to.  I thought we might stay somewhere near Ely and go and see the cathedral and perhaps Cambridge, but finding somewhere to stay is the problem.  It takes such a time to look on the net, but also my daughter,s car is making noises so perhaps i had better wait till we see what is wrong with that first and how much it will cost!

Think that's it for tonight, i'm watching the snooker final, it's been a tough game for Higgins and it still isn't clear who is going to win, i hope it doesn't go on to the small wee hours as i have work tomorrow.

Bye for now.